and when i say everyone, i mean everyone.

jason's in the islands and he will not be back for over a week. this is CRAZY. i know the apt will turn into what my place in cedar rapids was, but maybe not because without him (and his laptop) there, i only stay in my room. i stay in my room and i watch movies on my computer and i smoke cigarettes (don't tell! jason would be so bummed with me if he knew!!), and if i had money i would drink whiskey too. just like when i was in cedar rapids!

memories! of terror!

so, i was reading some diaries while i was training (really now, i know you know that i kick mothertruckin' ass at systems training and have spent like 50% of my time reading diaries and writing email because like, i am just that awesome) and there are a few things i realized that i hate:

1. when males use the words "shiver" or "quiver" or basically any "-iver" to describe a reaction that they are having to art or sex or anything like that. "shiver" is actually borderline and totally depends on the tone of the rest of the piece.

2. when people say that someone or something non-food related is "delicious". it makes me think of will ferral and that SNL "lovaaah" skit. i'm sorry, i can't take you seriously.

3. that's all i can think of right now.

last night was fairly horrible (i don't believe in chronological order) as my car broke down in a deserted area of seattle while i was trying to find this place after being lost for like 1000 years. it was scary. it was totally like that six feet under from the first season when the gang member gets it at the pay phone. i love that episode.

so i was there alone, and my car was broked, and i had to wait for mr aaa, who saved my life. then i went home and i watched "waking the dead, which is like the best saddest movie in the world. it always makes me cry and has replaced all other guaranteed make me cry movies as the movie to watch when i want to cry.

last night i mixed it up a bit and listened to the director's commentary and i still cried. i know, i couldn't believe it either.

then i laid in bed all wrapped around myself, inconsolable. then i talked to my brother and niki.

we talked about writing books and making books.

somehow, when i went to sleep, i was exhausted but i was not miserable anymore.

so thanks jon and niki.