2003-11-26 & 10:20 p.m. : the god of small things
part of me wishes i was the type of person who could dedicate themselves to words and books and music entirely, instead of being the type of person who is so reliant on other people.
part of me wishes i was the type of person who could dedicate themselves to words and books and music entirely, instead of being the type of person who is so reliant on other people.
other people are just so unpredictable and weird.
but words books and music are static, beautiful and reliable.
niki sent me "the god of small things".
i love it a lot.
for reasons that i will not list here, tonight, i really wish i was not myself, that i somehow did not exist and that in my place there wasn't even a wrinkle in the fabric of the world.
i would just disappear and all trace of me could be gone.
and i'm not even sad or depressed feeling right now.
to quote one of my favorite songs, i don't feel strange--i don't feel anything.
