everyday, i think to myself how sad i will be to leave here. i start to think of reasons to stay, and there are many. it's easily the most beautiful place i have ever lived. the people here are nicer than anywhere else i have ever lived.

i feel more comfortable here than i have anywhere else.

but i am so god damned lonely.

and my heart gets tight and my chest pounds when i think of niki and jon and i just want to feel like i belong again.

so, i have to move.

if i had more friends here, though, i am sure i would stay. well maybe not.

family is so damned important, you know? and oakland's a good city.

so, i'm sure i'll be happy.

but despite the loneliness, i just feel like i belong here.

jesus i am going to miss this place.