2001-12-31 & 2:10 a.m. : the only thing
i sat on the porch awhile and now i am more calm. i smoked two cigarettes and began the book of letters between henry and anais. and i listened to the song of the rain mixing with the music from my window, so beautiful and lonely. and i thought and realized that i just have to go through this, again and again, until it falls softly like quiet rain instead of a downpour of water in sheets and lightening. the shaking doesn't mean i am falling apart, that my seams are coming undone.
i sat on the porch awhile and now i am more calm. i smoked two cigarettes and began the book of letters between henry and anais. and i listened to the song of the rain mixing with the music from my window, so beautiful and lonely. and i thought and realized that i just have to go through this, again and again, until it falls softly like quiet rain instead of a downpour of water in sheets and lightening. the shaking doesn't mean i am falling apart, that my seams are coming undone.
i don't want to deaden my feelings, they are what remind me i am alive. i have to remember that these limbs are alive, that i needn't be afraid of the pulsing of my fingertips and the overflowing of my eyes. it is a good thing.
it is the only thing.
jesus christ, it's the last day of the year.
