i had another breakdown last night.
i talked to my brother.
there's a very outside chance, but still a chance, that he'll bail me out of this and i can get out of this hell.
i am trying not to get too excited or anything in case it doesn't come through, but just the fact that he's offered to help me out so i can leave and hopefully have a normal life again means more than anything to me right now.
moving here has been a horrible experience over all. lonely and scary and not at all worth it. i haven't felt like i have been settled since i left california in may. i'm exhausted.
but, i do have a ray of hope. something to maybe save my life.
otherwise, i will be finding a second job to work on the weekends to save up the money to move out of here as soon as possible.
and i'll never fucking look back.
in other news, i had the sexiest fucking dream EVER about one of the grodiest people in the world: matt dillon.
we made out like whoah. there was grabbing, there was touching, there was deep amazing and rad kissing.
but gross, he's matt dillon.
but still, i came in my sleep. that's pretty awesome.
oh., when i woke up this morning my internet service was down, so, i may not be on the internet again for god knows how long. that means email and whatnot. in case you feel like contacting me. but try anyway! if it works when i get home, then, er, it works and shit.
