but i tell you, i was really fucking lucky.

you see, i fell asleep about 12341324325 times on my way in this morning.

12341324325 times, people.

the last, and scariest time, i fell asleep on fucking telegraph ave, and drifted (about 50 feet before the left turn lane began) across those double yellows.

sure, i didn't get close enough to the oncoming car to even warrant an annoyed honk from them. i probably looked like an over zealous left-turner. BUT I KNEW I WAS ASLEEP.

that i didn't die, or kill someone else (i was not so drowsy this morning that the kachunk-kachunk of running over a body would have passed my notice), is purely a miracle.

and though i have never driven under the influence of drugs or alcohol, i feel dirty, like i was a drunk driver.

so.

if it's a school night and you notice me awake and it's after midnight, please refuse to talk to me. make me get in bed. remind me that i am not a murderer (yet) and to retain my non-murdering status it would do me well to get some rest. remind me that i am a good girl, not at all suited to the dirty woman-beasts of women's prison, or their dirty dirty rape games. remind me that i don't look good in institutional grey/green/orange/blue (i don't know what the criminal garanimals are colored these days).

that's all for right now. i need to calm down.