"ho-lee crap. i don't really read your diary because as i said in email to you, i understand very little of the language that you've developed and so i remain unengaged. but tonight i went through some of your and i had no idea you had written about me so much! whoah! whoah. first of all, i don't hate you, don't be insane. i simply don't understand you. the stuff about all attractive girls being bi, i'm not sure why that pissed me off. probably because #1--at a whopping 5'2 doubt i'd ever fall into your category of "attractive girls" and so where does that leave a girl like me? in the same category of your hated other males? i'm not sure, but surely you can understand the grodiness of how that might feel and #2--the suspiscion that the exciting part of two attractive girls fucking was simply the fact that they weren't fucking one of those dreaded other males, well, all i can say to that, as i did before you deleted my note was, eugh. also, after reading the things you had to say about "Urban Ethnic Youth", again disturbing disturbing disturbing. i'm not even sure what more i want to say about that, or if i will bother. and bjork! she's lovely and the only person out of the ones i listed (other than maybe j irons?) who might be close to the "cold eroticism" that you love so much. which, obviously, is something of an anomoly for me. i LOVE heat, and sweat and soul. give me more and more and then some. a grand deep thriving alive jungle for me to cut my own path through with a machete is what i say, you can have your perfectly laid out zen garden. and don't get me wrong, a perfectly laid out zen garden is certainly something beautiful to behold, something of value and something to love. but i think i can have both, fantastic heat and a place of solitairy calm in which to collect myself before diving back into the swirling chaos of real life, lived the way i want it. so pardon anything i may have done to imply that i don't like you. but darling, i simply don't understand you. and because of that, i often find myself with very little to say to you. [except, of course this novel-length note]"

recorded here for my reference, as i often like to revisit nearly anything i've written, because i am self-obsessed and also often listen to recordings of myself speaking, for pleasure.