will the stress ever fucking stop?

one thing gets resolved, immediately something new comes up.

newest thing? researching california tenant rights lease law has revealed that i am responsible for the nasty freaking grass outside our house. or i am liable to be evicted.

this is an issue.

so, now that it is an issue, it is going to have to look spec-fucking-tacular upon moving out or the landlord could sue the shit out of me.

beyond this, i learned that my landlord has the right to be abusive in speech to me. this is considered, by the state, as just being a lousy business person.

and more than this, i am not even allowed to ask her not to yell at me, because if she thinks i am being rude, she can evict me.

what the shit is that?

i am trying not to panic, trying to gather a plan to get this together because though i would love to get kicked out and then get a room or a studio somewhere in oakland until i can get to pdx, there is no way i could afford move-in costs.

so i am going to have to suck it up.

and i am trying really really hard not to get twisted up, but i can feel it in my body, i am twisted up. my stomach hurts, and my heart is pounding and my jaw is aching like unbelievable because i have been grinding my teeth hard for the last 4 hours. and i am developing tweaky eye.

if the stress level in my life does no level off, it is possible i will never get my period again.