-Country Time (tm) lemonade. i would hesitate to call it lemonade, instead calling it "lemonade", or perhaps "lemon tinged crap in a can".

if'n i don't get some god damn real good lemonade soon, i may start peeing on everyone and everything.

although that may excite many people, it would not be an act of kinky sex, but rather of anger.

speaking, again, of kinky sex, someone i know told me that they would totally get a Real Doll because there was something exciting about being able to do whatever they wanted to it without repercussions.

this is something i don't understand at all. you would think, at least ostensibly, that part of the excitement of doing things that are taboo or otherwise freaky and deaky is the fact that the person whom you are violating/kinking/etcetcetc is actually a person. this is why the whole plushie thing is so funny to me. i mean, it's a stuffed animal. where's the kink in rubbing your noonoo against a stuffed snoopy doll.

or whatever.

not that i even have a snoopy.

but i digress.

anyway, it seems like the whole kink factor of dressing a real doll up like a nun or a crossing guard or whatever floats your schooner is, for all intents and purposes, removed when you realize that what you have is, in fact, a glorified and very expensive barbie doll dressed up as a your wet nurse or nancy reagan or whathaveyou.

dressing the Real Doll up is not like dressing a lover up (i would guess...this just never has been a kink of mine) like your first grade teacher or one of the bush daughters, because it won't be able to say dirty things about staying after class to "clap erasers" or how she will "blow you for a better fake id" or whatever.

rather, it will just sit there looking like a dead hooker, or like melissa rivers or whatever and i don't see the kink in that at all.

and like, leaving the whole dress up thing aside, i imagine that shoving your hands or feet or whatever inside the Real Doll would not be nearly as exciting as doing it to a real person because of various physiological responses a Real Doll cannot have.

like heavy torrid breathing, or giggling, or "ow, what the hell are you doing with that?"

though, i did find out that the reason why hot tubs are so big with the Real Doll set is because the water heats the dolls up to body temperature.

are you screaming with everything in your body yet?

how about if i mention how creepy it would be if you were hanging out in your boyfriend's room and he's like, in the shower or something, and you think "hey, it'd be so sexy to have him come back in the room and have him find me on his bed with nothing on but one of his shirts"

so you go into his closet to grab one of his shirts and in the back corner you see a foot.

so you pee all over yourself, because you're pretty sure it's a dead girl.

not screaming yet?

ok, what if you look further and find out, to somewhat confused relief, that it's not a dead girl, but a sex doll?

not yet?

ok, but what if you look and you see it's a sex doll that's modeled after your boyfriend's sister, who happens to be your really good friend?

are you screaming now?

no?

what if while you're noticing it looks like your good friend/his sister, a fly comes in and crawls across its eyeball?

OK EVEN IF YOU ARE NOT SCREAMING NOW I AM.

AND I WILL BE FOR THE NEXT TEN MINUTES.

THANKS.

-New Boss and her amazing squinchy face.

seriously, New Boss, in addition to having enormous hoots, has this face that looks pissed/annoyed/generally hissy-fittish about 80% of the time.

like, imagine the most sarcastic smile you can imagine, ever.

i'm serious--ever.

ok, now multiply that by about 75. add in a kinda squinciness to the face, kinda like how celine dion looks like when she was a baby, someone squeezed her head in a vice.

ok, can you see it?

now put a set of enormous melons under that face and a pair of porn shoes on those feet.

my New Boss!!

-being inside on a day like today. totally beautiful out, people. also, even though i got like 3.5-4 hrs of sleep (worked on two paintings last night. pictures forthcoming, i hope.), i woke up feeling fresh and rested. totally sweet.

i think this must have been due to the fact that i hadn't had a sesh in like 3 or 4 days. i was just staying up so late that by the time i got in bed i was exhausted and fell asleep while foreplaying myself.

even yesterday afternoon when i layed down specifically for a sesh, i fell asleep! i know! insane!

3 or 4 days!!!

no wonder i was so cranky and whatnot.

seriously.

when i finished, i thought my head was going to pop off my body and shoot into outerspace.

i really have to make sure i attend to all my needs better.

--my hair.

i really need a cut. i have been saying this since i started this diary last june.

but now it's undeniably true.

preferably, before monday night, because i am hanging out with a fran!

--i am listening to the alkaline trio.

i barely even like the alkaline trio. i mean, there are a couple of songs that i like, and there was certainly a particular summer that is brought back nicely by this compilation cd, but christ on hot wheels, i haven't liked or even though about the alkaline trio for about 2 years.

this is what i get for grabbing the large(ly empty) cd wallet.

--the jellybeans that 2nd Boss got me for easter.

more specifically, the squeeze ducky that came with them. it had a huge red hussied-up beak, as if it were a hooker ducky.

a dead hooker ducky.

a Real Ducky, if you will.

and, the jelly beans are those cheap kind that taste grainy and have flavors like "red" "orange" green" etc.

bleh.

things that rule:

--the compliments i get while wearing this shirt.

--deciding to leave work at 830am so i can walk around outside, or "get a bite" as i explained to New Boss.

--the fact that i have not one bit of work, really, in the last hour.

--emails from steve and franny.

--taking off the alkaline trio and putting on spent.