i am going to a dance party.

on saturday night.

in chicago.

there are two reasons why i never would have done this in california:

#1! people don't dance at parties in california.

and

#2! shyness and general lack of balls.

you see, jessica v.1 was not programmed to have the kind of balls that would allow me to go to a party that was going to be full of people that i sort of but not really know, that i have never met. the pressure of living up to some sort of expectation would have been too great. jessica v.1 would have had some sort of meltdown on the way, crashed my car, and died.

died.

but, here's the thing. as i was explaining to the lovely and completely nice ann this afternoon over im, i watched some pretty great movies this past week. you might have heard of one of them, bubble boy?, and that movie left a very big impression on me about being brave.

no slim, i did not break out of that bubble room to play it safe.

also, i watched the shawshank redemption this morning at like 4am when i couldn't sleep. and, as always, that one fucking line got under my skin:

get busy livin' or get busy dyin'

god damn right.

so, this is jessica v.2, with a better processor and more RAM. or something. runs better. that's what i am saying.

and runs braver.

so, i am going to go. and i am not going to act like i am freaking out inside. i am going to pretend to be confident, even if i am a big ball of asdfhhjdsafjksahfkda on the inside. i am going to have fun, and i am, hopefully, going to make new friends.

chicago style.

so, i am being brave. i am not staying where it's safe.

that decision alone feels pretty good.

oh, and you are reading this and you are going to be there, i'm actually not scared, i'm actually really confident and not at all worried about meeting you.

god damn right.