tonight, shane takes me out to dinner for...mexican food. this is highly strange, because i almost never eat mexican food, and now i am having it two days in a row. furthermore, yesterday and today i have been craving mexican food, which is VERY strange, because usually it's just not my thing.

i am putting this down to the fact that i must be getting my dot soon.

otherwise, i have declared today teen beat usa dance party day. that means that all morning i have been bopping around listening to the teen beat usa dance party stars of the day, unrest. you are jealous because chances are you have not. i think that mark robinson probably has one of the nicest voices in all of indie rock.

don't you? no? tell me why.

work today has been kind of hectic. like everything that has been pending for the last month has come down on my head. interesting. i don't really care, but the tension in my jaw is a bit tight. i clench my teeth so hard without even paying attention to it. i am waiting to wake up with just powder where my teeth should be.

more than that, and also, i slept really weird last night. i went to sleep on one side, and then woke up with a really shitty crick in my neck, so i laid on my back. then i had weird dreams involving red paper lanterns and holiday sparklers. and for some reason when i lay on my back i either snore or breathe really loudly (YES THERE IS A DIFFERENCE.), and end up waking myself up, so i turned on my other side.

then my alarm went off and i added everything up wrong in my head and ended up getting out of bed ten minutes early.

i still ended up leaving 6 minutes late, though, so i don't know what to say about all that.

i got coffee this morning and even though i got it from my coffee angel, i did not have the urge to make eyes at him. also, it tasted like soil.

but it did the trick, and the cigarette sidedish helped cloud the taste quite a bit.

i sang "june" at the top of my lungs. and "wednesday and proud", too.

given a different time and a different history, i could have been an indie rock superstar, i am telling you.

i feel like taking a trip. somewhere warm. not warm like here, where i stepped outside this morning in the just-before-sunrise-dark into the sweet, balmy 28 degree weather. i mean somewhere really warm.

nisha's in india right now, i bet she's pretty warm. i bet everything smells rich there. i miss her. i won't even get to see her when i go down south for my business trip at the end of the month--she doesn'te get back until feb 18th or some such such.

maybe instead of india, i could be somewhere like chile. some spanish speaking country where they make horchata with almond milk instead of rice milk, because almond milk is tons better than rice milk...there's something in the wateriness of rice milk that makes it pukey for me. the thickness of almond milk is dreamy, which i find really funny, since milk anything should be nothing but gross.

but there you have it.

i wish i had brought perfect teeth with me to work today, but as it stands i only have b.p.m. with me. it's good, but my heart lays with perfect teeth, it was my first big sweaty unrest crush album.

it's kind of freaking me out to look at the dates on all these albums. this was the time i was probably most excited about music. that's not to say that i am not mental over it now..but it was just different then. i went to a show practically every week/every other week. all my money went into albums, rather than bills. i was really excited about it, i read zines voraciously, i loved everything about it.

now, it's rare that i get out to see a show and i can't remember the last album i actually bought. oh wait, i think the last ones i bought were the gybe! ones...or maybe canyon. man that canyon cd was a stinker, a real disappointment.

not the gybe! ones, though, those, as you know, i think are outstanding.

but it's not like you can get excited about their music in the same way you would, say, versus or small factory or unrest orthe spinanes or um, spent or something.

it's just a totally different kind of vibe.

i used to write to all my favorite bands. i would ask them random questions and they almost always answered. my favorite responses came from tae won yu of kicking giant, who wrote in big huge letters across the top "GOD BLESS THE PORNOGRAPHERS", and rebecca gates, who refused to give me the lyrics of the songs on the manos album, but was really nice about it.

william shin from seam and team xiaoping also wrote a real nice letter, which i think i still have somewhere.

i think the last time i wrote to a band was like 4 years ago, i wrote to lamb and one of their publicists sent me an awesome poster. not exactly the same, but the poster is really really cool.

i wonder where the hell it is now. i wonder where the hell all my posters are...i wonder if they are in my 4ad poster tube...and if so...where the hell i put it...did i leave it at my parent's house?

holy crap. i need to resolve this.

let's talk scary for a moment:

scary is when the Big Boss comes into your cube to "chat" for ten minutes. i swear to all holy aliens that my voice goes into pro mode and it gets this weird timbre to it and it's highly exhausting to do in person, though not so bad to do on the phone. on the phone i can at least relax my face while i do it. in person i have to act all interested and WhatNot.

thankfully, i did not have to go to lunch with the Big Boss and the Exec Secretary today, or else i think my face might have fallen off.

also, i have been looking into working at the local library. apparently, i could make a very very decent wage there. innnnnteresting.

just don't tell them i had to look something up on their questionaire on dictionary.com. it just wouldn't look good.