i just had this huge shot go through me, like an epiphany or lightening bolt or something equally thrilling.

i just realized that, if i don't care about my writing or my art, why the hell should anyone else?

now don't get me wrong, i am not a complete moron. i know that what i just said must be the most obvious thing in the entire universe.

and i knew it, but i didn't feel-know it.

and i was looking at this art at this link my wifey showed me when i showed her the link in my last entry, and i thought to myself

well, goodness. look at all this amazing amazing this girl is doing. woman. girl, whatever. look at all this amazing amazing this person is doing. and i read some of her blog and i was like, "whoah, she sounds like this totally normal, funny, charming, not-at-all angsty person, just doing what makes her really happy."

and then i kind of thought to myself--"huh. i want to do that too. i want to make amazing things, and write amazing things, and write amazing things on amazing things i've made, and i want to share that with other people, and i want them to share their amazing stuff with me."

so, if that's what i want to do, then i have to just do it. i mean. like, DO IT-do it.

and i don't expect to make anything on par with what she's doing, or what niki's doing, or what jon's doing.

it's not about being on par or being as good as anyone else. i dont have to be as good as anyone else. i just have to be as good as what i can do. just that will make me happy.

and i am going to write things that suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

and i am going to make things that are ass-ugly.

but sometimes, just sometimes, things will come together.