most of the time, even though there are those that believe me to be a wildly romantic person in denial, i fear and suspect that i will be alone for the whole of my life. i do not let myself sit in this feeling, it's too sad and empty to contemplate.

i don't sit and wonder when my prince/princess may come, it is not my style. but, sometimes, just sometimes, usually when i am listening to music or see something beautiful, i am struck by something, like getting kicked in the throat. and i believe, for the length of the song, or for the time the beauty is in view, that love of the kind that i would want is possible. because, to quote a girl i've never met, "it would take a very very special person to be interested in me".

and right now, still soaked from the rain that caught me when i went to pick up some food for lunch, shivering in my cube, my glasses, wet, next to the keyboard, it's "les etoiles secretes" by ida. and it's not necessarily the words they sing as much as the way that their voices sound together.

because that's much what i imagine being in love would feel like.

at least, i hope.

"music?"