in a fit of commerce last night i not only took care of all my mid-month bills, i also bought a buttload of junk online. did one order for sonic youth vinyl (daydream nation and evol, of course, given my recent obsession with 'madonna, sean and me/expressway to yr. skull' and my perennial obsession with daydream nation); i knew it was going to be on back order, and i am impatient, so i ordered those seperately. then i went back to shopping and got two godspeed you black emperor cds. i just recently got into them thanks to this guy; i listened to F#A# (infinity symbol) the other night, for hours. it's weird, beautiful and is so good if you are alone. i went to sleep listening to it, my dreams were inside out, fucked up films, the found sounds were in and all over the place. it got under my fingernails, and i am excited to hear the other two now. they are yet another band i have grown into liking. even as recently as a few months ago i remember reflecting on them and saying to myself "for what"? but now...well, this baby's all growns up.

then i went to amazon and ordered kabuki: metamorphosis finally, and a literate passion : letters of anais nin and henry miller 1932-1953, f-i-n-a-l-l-y. i have wanted that book for years. i cannot wait. he's my favorite writer and i think, from what i know from her diaries at least, their relationship was ideal in a lot of ways. i am so excited to read their correspondence, to hear both their thoughts rather than just hers. i remember when i read henry and june, it drove me crazy, i started writing a lot more and the letters flew away from me in great enveloped v-formations and i was daydreaming in technicolor. i am getting all turned about just thinking about it!

i don't know why i waited so long to get it. i can't tell you how many people said they would get it for me. well i got tired of waiting, suckers, and i got it on my own. because i'm all growns up.

gah, my stomach hurts from the orange juice again. can you die from too much vitamin C and citric acid?

currently, the Co-Worker is flirting with some girl who came over to his desk to flirt with him. i keep laughing, because it's like a bad movie, or a coffee commercial (i think she's married even). he keeps telling me to "tuck it in, rabbit", meaning, i have big rabbit ears because i am listening to them. but, you know, it's like a cube wall..yeah, he's neat.

yeah.

so.

ahem.

i've been building a wishlist on amazon.com. i'll probably link it on here, too, because i think the idea of just brazenly asking people to get me junk is awesome. it makes me think of miller.

and i could really use a patron. or a few.

i was up too late on the phone last night. i tried not to let it show, but i think the last part of the conversation, i was dreaming.

so, like, if i said stupid things, i am apologizing now!

if i could find someone with whom i could talk about my love for early sonic youth and not feel like a pretentious prick, i think i'd marry them.