#1:

uppity consultants? they can bite my ass. hard.

#2:

i have a mysterious bruise on my left forearm. i cannot remember doing anything that might have created a bruise. this freaks me out, as i love bruises (they are so strange and yellow purple and blue) and am usually hyper aware of them.

i do not want to think that i am getting out of touch with my skin like that.

addendum:

the Co-Worker just said "i am the all-you-can-eat buffet"