i rarely speak up when i feel like i a have been trespassed.

it's a problem, and i know it.

last night, i stood up for myself.

and, i am owed an apology from my sister.

earlier today, for the sake of having things not be really weird in the house, i asked her if she wanted to talk about last night.

now, by all logic, she should have approached me, as she was the one who really stepped out of bounds and acted like a fucking bitch.

rather than take the opportunity to just apologize, or whatever she planned to do, she told me she was in a bad mood, so it was a bad time to talk about it.

and, hasn't bothered to try to talk about it with me since.

so.

so?

so.

now i don't know what to do. i'm not going to say to her, "i'm sorry i got angry with you for talking mad shit, saying really fucked up things about me while i was within ear-shot, to one of my best friends, rather than having the guts to talk to me about whatever it is that is bothering you."

that's retarded.

at the same time, i have to live with my sister for the next 5 months.

and, more than that, she's my sister. i don't want it to be the kind of thing where i move and then i never really talk to her again because she was a fucking bitch one night.

i don't care enough about the shit she was talking to have it be like that.

so.

i don't know what to do.

obviously she is a coward and cannot own up to her part of this. and, she can't say she's sorry. never has been able to, not in any way that sounds convincing, or doesn't include a qualifier about why whatever fucked up thing she did was actually your fault.

because she is a coward.

so.

i don't know what to do.

and it's making me even more pissed off.

and jon's reading over my shoulder, so i better go.