i know i know i know: i said i am not made for love, that i could never give myself like that, that i am just far too issue-ridden and have so many problems with trust that it simply could never happen to me.

but it has.

it really has.

and he's beautiful: big and strong and his eyes are this amazing light brown with flecks of gold in them; his hair is so soft and i love running my fingers through it while we are rolling around together; his smile makes my heart flip flop; and when he kisses me....god. i just...there's no words.

his name's wolfgang and he lives two doors over with jennifer and clyde.

he's the most beautiful shepard i have ever seen. i guess he's a white shepard? i have never heard of such a thing, but i am the smitten kitten. i want to be around him all the time. i met him the other morning and we hit it off famously.

some people may have a problem with the fact that well, i'm human and he's canine...but i want to marry him anyway. i know we could never have babies/a litter, and like, i don't want to have sex with him, but our love--our chaste love--is so much more pure than the exchange of bodily fluids could ever allow.

we are truly mfeo.

today he escaped jennifer's home and when i saw him in the neighbor's yard i dropped my bags of groceries and yelled out to him--he ran straight to me and kissed me all over my face, sniffing stuart's scent and whatever smells i am carrying around with me from yesterday.

i wrestled around with him and introduced myself properly to jennifer, his mommy. it's nice getting to know the people in my neighborhood. it makes me feel like this place is really home.

seriously, though, he makes me want to become responsible enough to have my own dog. with a yard. and walking the puppy each night while i think and watch the sky turn over on itself in the way that it does here.

last night vika and i had probably one of the best nights i have had here in seattle. certainly last friday was just as good--niki was here. the only thing missing last night was the niki. she would have loved it with the talking and the music and the pancake house at 5am.

niki is going to move up here, and then we'll get into all sorts of fun slash trouble.

but anyhoo, last night vika and i had a fucking blast. vika is so funny when she's drunk. she laughs really easily and loud, and she makes the weirdest jokes. and she rocks back and forth, just like my crazy cousin adam!

and today we went to trader joes and i was smiling at everyone. and the cashier said i had a sweet young face, so she had to card me for the cheap french table wine that v and i like so much.

and the sun's out after a day and night of pouring rain, everyone's out enjoying it, everyone looks happy, even the ones who are frowning couldn't help but smile when i passed them by, a smile like a crooked painting across my face.

oh, and when i wake up in the morning the first thing i see is fresh tulips above me.

everything is so good right now.

and also! niki! the poppy came out of its shell--it's looking for you and asks you to please come home soon.