they are like a set, the first one starts with the beach boys, and the last one ends with the beach boys.

the second cd is all idm and ambient music.

the first has a song by juno and dj shadow and i think a song by nico.

the last one has a song by cat power.

other than those bands i have no idea who else is on these mixes because the person who sent them to me did not send me tracklistings for them.

i'm sorry, let me repeat that.

they did not send track listings for them.

you know what that is?

that's right, evil torture.

i wish i knew kung fu, i would walk all the way to ohio and kung fu that boy's ass.

and then give him a big wet lickery kiss, because these cds are something special. i am so so so so happy with them.

in other news, over the weekend the Co-Worker left me a voicemail with the tractor song playing full blast and him singing along for part of it.

i can't help but like that guy sometimes. especially since he has changed from listening to the country station to the smoove jamz station.

because for the last half hour he's been singing dirty jodeci songs.

which, contrary to popular belief, does NOT count as sexual harassment. nope! it sure doesn't!

actually, i don't care because with his opie ass singing, there's nothing sexual about it. i actually laughed out loud and stuff, and then had to be like "no dude, your singing's good...hella.!"

what has pissed me off today is the fact that New Boss sent me to fetch her lunch, even though i was on my lunch break and even though i had already gotten my food and even though that's not EVEN part of my job description.

this will not become a habit or else one of two things will happen.

#1--i will have to give a verbal beatdown consisting of me telling her that it's not my job to feed her and that her leopard print shirt is really scary.

#2--i will continue to get her lunch for her, but i will start putting really gross things in her salad or her drink or WhatHaveYou. i would feel no guilt at all doing this, particularly if i can somehow pee on her food without her knowing it or getting pee on me.

i'm telling you, anger management through urination is so go, it's unbelievable.

on an upside, she brought me a pound of see's dark chocolate candies, which is cool, but if i eat more than one i get all hinky and start to feel really gross and hyper but in that "my skin's crawling and i probably should masturbate" kind of way.

also, i have been thinking further on what i wrote about yesterday and in a recent email i worked out the following [edited to take out all the inside j/ks and o'm'g's and WhatNot. hi, i'm mature]:

also, in addition to considering all this "what kind of sexy vixen do i want to be?"

stuff, i have also been thinking a lot about god/spirituality, as you may

have gathered from my last entry.

wait, no, not the one about how good my smell is, but the one before that.

anyway, this stuff really really gets to me. i mean, i was raised jewish,

but there was nothing about going to temple or hebrew school or celebrating

at home with my family that ever felt like it had anything to do with god.

it always felt like it had to do with tradition and family, if that makes

sense. like, i totally believe you can be a jew and really really question

the existence of god, maybe even be an athiest because a lot of what goes

into being jewish (i think at least) has to do with doing the right

thing/living ethically not because god says it's the right thing to do, but

because it IS the right thing to do. think about it: if it weren't the

right thing to do for some other reason than "because god said so", then not

only would "what's right" be completely arbitrary (because it's at least

possible for god to choose the exact opposite of the "right" thing and make

it the "now right thing" and it would be the right thing, because god said

so. so, basically god says it's right for some other reason than "god says

it's right". what that criterion is/should be is a big messy fun question,

but at least we have gotten this far, right? so, anyway, a lot of being

jewish is "doing the right thing" and obviously, if you follow my argument a

few lines above, you don't need god at all to do this or figure out what the

right thing is.. i think a lot of jews are like that, what with our very

sad and violent past ....

...anyway, that all has nothing to do with my feelings on spirituality, however.

and that's so confusing to me, because i feel like i don't even

know how to investigate or work through these really intense confusing

longings/thoughts inside me.

like, did you know, if i could, a lot of times i wish i could be a nun? i'm

totally serious, dedicating my life to service and prayer sounds so amazing

perfect to me a lot of the time.

mostly what keeps me from doing it, though, is that i really want to

have a family some day, and i don't think even buddhist monks/nuns can have families.

obviously catholic ones cannot, and i wouldn't want to be catholic anyhow. i

just can't consider converting to christianity. it would be such a blow to

my family, and really, in good conscience, i couldn't do it anyway, because

everyone in my family (except for we THINK one or two people) who were in

europe during world war two were killed in the holocaust and i have always

had a really strong sense of obligation to my family and the memory of the

people who died from my family to stay jewish and to raise my children

jewish. if i converted to christianity i think i would be letting them down,

even though i know rationally that doesn't make sense AT ALL!!!!!!

I HATE WHEN I HAVE THOSE NON-RATIONAL FEELINGS!!!!! ASLDKFHJASL;DK

i mean, i guess this would be a big problem if christianity resonated with

me, but it doesn't either. no religious tradition that i've come across so

far resonates with me.

i find this so blindingly hurtful, i cannot adequately explain it. it's not

as if i am having conflict because i know what religion is right ("right" at least

for me, as i think the idea of one right religion is at once bizarre, and at

the same time, almost unavoidable because let's say you are a practioner of

religion X, and you want to say that there is no one true way to god, but

then there's religion Y and they believe things that are contradictory to

religion X, how could you possibly say that both religions are right? i

mean, if you want to say that what you believe by ascribing to religion X is

important and the right way to worship (which i want to say that at the very least you are implying by practicing religion X and not religion Y) how can you both say that all

religions are ok AND that religion Y is a religion whose views contradict

yours. do you see what i am getting at? how can you be religious and be

coherent and be tolerant? HOW DOES THAT WORK??? OH MY

GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!! religion bites butttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!)

where the hell was i?

oh yeah, it's not like i have a conflict because i know what religion is

right, and i am having problems living up to its tennets or anything.

i have no idea, none of them sound right, or if they do feel right then i

start to think about them and it's like i'm back to square one because if i

am not even clear if god exists and i have big doubts about the soul because

what the hell would a soul be? what in the crap? and so if i have all these

fundamental problems with the basic concepts of religion how in the HELL am i

supposed to work all this out?

sometimes, i feel like flinging myself off a cliff and just being done with

it.

my head drives me crazy sometimes.

yeah, so i guess i didn't really work out much of anything, only complained more. sorry about that.

i think New Boss just came back from a nooner.

neat!

another problem i have with religion is i don't believe in sin.

or hell.

i'm so fucked up, doods.

it's only 2pm.

ah, fuck it.

********************update********************

i realize how shoddily constructed my arguments are above, i just reread them and i think my insides all twisted up and went in the exact opposite place they were supposed to be. i can write much better, i promise, i seriously promise.