i can't tell you people how depressing it's been lately, looking at my stats and seeing nothing but the most perverted, grodiest, most disturbing googles that have landed people at my diary. i can't even repeat them here, that is how nast and perviscious they are.

i would feel badly about this, but it's not my fault! it's prince's fault. just leave it to the dirty perverts of the world to tarnish a beautiful thing like my love for prince.

i mean, if all these people were finding my site via googling "handjobs" or "BLOWJOBS BLOWJOBS!" like they used to, that'd be fine.

or even a little nice fetishism, like plush love or, even though they make me want to scream for the rest of my life, real dolls, like people used to i'd be thrilled.

but this stuff? SHAME ON YOU SICK FUCKS. GET HELP. OR LOCK YOURSELF IN A CAGE.

in other news, hello friends. i am still on the job hunt, though i do have an interview next week. it's a job for which i am massively overqualified and will be massively underpaid. hooray! i totally forgot how ass job searches are, but at least someone called me back about my resume, you know what i'm sayin, dawgs?

there! were! tornado!! warnings! today!!!!!!!!!!!!

holy shitballs. tornados? people getting picked up BY THE AIR and thrown across fields? houses getting knocked over BY WIND?

syntax error, does not compute.

give me a fucking earthquake anyday. i mean, stuff shakes, things fall off shelves, no big whoop.

BUT THINGS GETTING PICKED UP BY THE WIND????

no. no thanks.

i went through the Great Quake of 94, and it wasn't that big a deal. true, i wasn't in the valley, but it was interesting nonetheless.

wanna hear the story? great, because i am going to tell it.

it was like 4am, i had just gotten really really stoned and was sitting on my bed, listening to music and eating some yogurt.

all of a sudden, the windows started shaking and there was that "it's just a small earthquake" rumbling happening. and then, IT GOT SO MUCH STRONGER.

and then, i got real scared. i realized that my bed, which was right next to a HUGEMONGOUS window, was not the best place to be sitting. so, i mcguyer rolled off the bed and covered the back of my neck just like they teach you in school with all those duck and cover drills.

let me tell you, nothing sobers you up sooner than thinking your house is going to fall on top of you.

it went on for what seemed like forever, and then all the lights went out. i ran down the hall to make sure my brother and sister were ok, and we went to the other side of the house to make sure my parents were alright. in true dad fashion, my dad came lazily downstairs, saying "alright, calm down, it's just an earthquake...let's get some candles. don't lose your minds, now, it's over."

i grabbed a candle and walked outside, looking to see if there was any damage outside.

it was amazing: in our neighborhood, where no one talked to each other and everyone had a slightly suspicious look when you passed their lawn, people were talking and making sure everyone was accounted for. i greeted my next door neighbors, for whom i had a real burning dislike, and gave their little devil child a hug because he was so scared.

and then, i looked at the sky. i had never in my life seen a sky like that. the earthquake had blown out all the transformers and there was no electricity for miles and miles. all the light polution was gone and there was just...a million billion kazillion stars. i could actually see the milyway. i pointed it out to my brother and sister, and i held jon's hand while we walked up and down the middle of the street, looking at the sky until people started breaking up to sit in their houses and listen to their radios, trying to hear the news on how big the quake was and if anybody got hurt.

i still think about that morning, how even shaking through aftershocks in the middle of my dark street, i could see just how amazing that dark sky was, and how my neighbors were really human, if even for those few minutes before we went back inside.

god that story is so much more boring than i had thought it was. what a bunch of sentimental pappy bullshit. or, as we like to call it in corn country, horse hockey. i should remove it from the archive, you know?

the sky sure was pretty, though.